Letter From the Editor: September

It's September y'all, which over here means: getting shit together, slightly less thotty gear (ugh), Fashion Month and also: Cuffing Season. If memes are to be believed, that puts us somewhere in the scouting/drafting section of the timeline and I'm really not sure how to feel. After splitting with my partner of 5 years, I been thinking about love a lot this past summer - what I want, what I most definitely DON'T want, and about breaking trauma-related cycles. There's been a couple of YOLO-spirited transgressions and someone I actually thought could be The One (lol jk jk, I was just getting played for attention) but generally, ya girl been hella monk status sitting back in my emotional unavailability and being an observer of 2018 mating behavior like a social anthropologist at da club. Honestly, the game done changed while I was gone and I have no idea what to make of it now. Like...when did people get so weird?? MF's out here playing some real games - which I'm not mad at if it's strictly foreplay and done with a certain level of finesse - but more like on some emotional abuse type shit. Not chill. Do we blame social media and Tinder culture, where legit tite people are disposable in lieu of the seemingly endless options literally right at our fingertips; where semi-anonymous thirst is not only totally acceptable, but encouraged? Or are we a generation without many role models to look to for examples of A+ communication and enduring love?

Instead of accepting that human interaction and manners have simply devolved, I always gotta think about tracing things back to the why. I read a book last year on attachment theory that one of my homegirls casually slid on over to me (thanks sis, I guess my issues were blaringly obvious lol) a psychological model that describes how people respond within relationships when hurt, separated from loved ones, or perceiving a threat. Basically, it talks about how if you grow up in an unstable environment/with inconsistent care you're gonna be generally anxious or avoidant when it comes to forming attachments later in life. I feel like this is something many of us can relate to not just as children of diaspora, but because of the ancestral trauma we carry in our DNA going back generations.

Of course, this makes me think about the lasting traumatic effects of colonization and how it's affected our dating habits and power dynamics in relationships; the very real issues it's created around safety and attachment; how it's shaped what we see as desirable in ourselves and others. This month, we're hoping to unpack some issues around dating, sex and intimacy - because god knows this shit gotta start changing like, rnrn plz. I very much believe that if we can recognize and get to the root of a problem, then we can begin the healing process.

Deep Thots aside, I always feel like the start of a new season is a good time to reflect on where we've been and where we're going. We threw our first party in the Bay a couple weeks ago and it was crackin, def looking forward to doing more and creating more community with y'all. We're also cooking up some things for Filipino American History Month so stay tuned! Here's to decolonizing that p**sy and keeping it a fuccboi/girl/person-free zone.

<3 Steph